Locked Apologies #2, Exposing the real me

[Dolly 459]

As the title says, I believe that a lot of people here don't know the real reasons of why I got demoted/banned on NiDE, I feel like I should not hide this anymore, I cannot stop thinking about it lately to be honest, I just want to get it out of my mind to focus on my "trash" life and on my studies that I will have electronic exams after 2 weeks from now for the last year of school which I was supposed to finish 15 months ago.

First, I will begin with telling a bit of myself for those who never had the chance to meet me before or interact with me at least:
My real name is Mohammed, I am 18 years old (born in 2006), and I currently live in Gaza.
I used to be an admin here back in time in 2019-2023, I retired multiple times but I still stayed a major part of the community.
I used to create maps for the community, made around 20 maps for the zombie revival server and 2 maps for the zombie escape one, you probably have played on either of them or both (ze_dolly_temple_fixed1 and ze_polyglot), honestly, they are not the best maps, but at least some people enjoy it and have fun on it which is what pleases me. even now, people still play it and I am happy for it.
I also used to and still make plugins for CS:S in general, something i am dedicated into and I have the dedication to continue with this despite everything happened. I don't consider myself as a good programmer but I am still learning and I am self-teaching myself. And I am trying to improve myself for the better.

What exactly happened in 2023? and how I got demoted?
I got the chance to get promoted to a CS:S ZR Server Manager in 2023, April, though I was a ZE Server Admin but this is not an excuse for all things that happened, I was chosen to make changes on the ZR server, to "revive" it as it was dead that time. I am not taking any credit for reviving it or anything I am only sharing my story with everyone, alright, moving on...
I started the new job and I was excited since I was dreaming of becoming a higher-up on NiDE. It might sound silly for some, but it was actually one of my dreams in my life.
I made some changes and made a lot of them, we got some good results in 2023 May, but I was still not happy about the server's situation, I wanted to make bigger changes related to the core gameplay settings such as Prop Jump (where you can jump off a crate while you are in the air and it is an "exploit" btw), the crazy bhop and some unfair zombie skins which had crazy bhop settings like speed and shits.
I also wanted to change the sv_airaccelerate value to something lower (like 200), unfortunately, all my ideas were denied without giving them a chance, I had to force change a few things on the server and some people turned out to be unhappy about the changes, I rage quit a lot of times to be honest, I was so pissed off that I wanted to revive the server but some of my ideas were not really implemented. Things got harder for me when Hobbitten decided to have 2 more LSAs who were opposing all the changes I wanted to make, I thought it was enough of me on that server, I think i did what was required of me. I asked for a demotion to a regular zombie escape admin just like before.

My shitty start with the "WAFG" community which caused all these problems that I am facing right now.
After I asked for the demotion, I had been a server manager on ZR for 4 months, I honestly was more into ZR that time, and I even started on NiDE as a ZR Player/Admin until later in 2021 where I switched to ZE.
I just wanted to manage a "ZR" server as I had more interests with this gamemod that time, alright, that time there were only two ZR servers alive, NiDE's and WAFG's
But wait, What is WAFG?
Well, they are a Deathmatch community and they had one zombie revival server, the owner of that community used to be a nide player and used to be our friends back in time, but I admit that he was not our friends that time, so before I reached out to him, I wanted to solve the problems between him and NiDE.
I got him to contact hobbitten and I guess they "solved" the problems between each other. and I told hobbitten that I want to be a manager on their ZR server and he didn't mind at all.
The owner of WAFG created a new server for me to add whatever I want there, (a russian-server, hosted in russia). After he gave me the ftp access, I instantly started to add NiDE ZR files (I had a backup of them before), I had all files, literally, including all passwords to databaes/admins/rcon, I didn't pay attention to any of that, and after the upload was finished, the owner of WAFG blocked me and It was more of a scam, when I realized that,  I reached out to Rushaway as fast as possible and told him to change all passwords (only ZR was affected), and therefore I lost all my access to nide servers (I had access to dev/test servers that time), I respected their decision and I could not really show my face to anyone, I didn't get demoted, NiDE staff were really kind to me so they kept me as a part of NiDE which is what I still appreciate till now.
I decided to not go online for a few days/weeks, and honestly I was doing that, It had been 2 days for me without getting online, but it was a MISTAKE, I connected to steam while internet was on and I saw an incoming friend request, yep, it was from the WAFG owner, apologizing to me that he did what he did, and he wanted to give me the server ftp again to start working on it all over again, I hesitated at first, but I got brainwashed and I was really young that time (I was literally still 16), I was not that mature, and I was so sensitive about literally everything.
I got excited like a retard and started adding nide zr files again, I didn't want to create the exact same server but more of a Zombie Riot Mix server, I shared the server's ip with rushaway and he connected to it, he found out that I was using private plugins (which I didn't know about), he told me about them and I deleted them, but then after a few minutes, I got demoted from NiDE which is well deserved from my pov, I did a lot of shits before and NiDE staff gave me a lot of chances, I "didn't" care that much about since I was excited about yay, I am managing a server now kind of excitement, but little did I know, I would be here again begging to get unbanned from the community I spent my childhood on.

The explanation of why I got banned
I still stayed as a player on NiDE and I didn't get banned, On October 7th 2023, a war started in my city (and still on till now), my life started to go downhill and is still going downhill, I had to leave my house in the first week of the war and I could not ever come back to it until late Jan this year (2025).
I won't forget that NiDE staff checked up on me a lot of times during the war, and they were asking if I was okay or not, That's really appreciated, almost all nide staff were checking up on me.
I didn't really realize that WAFG (the community I was a part of) had all these nide staff/players banned. I mean, sure, I was only aware of some of ZR players who were problematic but I didn't know about others. I went though times that I could not access internet for a long time, whatever.
When I finally got back to my home, I felt something was missing, NiDE, yes.
In march 2025, I joined nide discord again and wanted to join the ZE server after not playing it for a very very long time, I honestly wanted to open a new page with everyone on nide, but one day I was literally offline and I opened discord and found out that I got banned on both NiDE Discord Server and Game servers. I don't really know what happened, but it was because WAFG (the community I was a part of) as I said above banned a lot of nide staff/players, nide wanted to do the same, I respected that decision, and I acted a little bit like a kid during that situation, but I promise I was not really targeting anyone.

I honestly tried my best to get everyone from nide unbanned from WAFG, but I was failing all the time, I decided that I will leave WAFG to have a chance to come back to NiDE, in 2025 May, I made an unban appeal here, which unfortunately got rejected without even taking its time for others to share their opinions, I hope this thread will have some people sharing their opinions unlike the last one.
I was honestly so pissed off, but I was not really planning anything to hurt nide. the WAFG owner was still friends of me (and still), he knew that I asked for demotion on WAFG to come back to NiDE, when he "found out" that Rushaway denied my appeal, he instantly banned all other nide staff and a lot of nide's regular players, I was like wtf, why tf would you do something like that. I was against this and I tried multiple times to get everyone unbanned during my time on WAFG, almost 2 months ago I asked for demotion again on WAFG, for the same purpose as before, and here I am, making another unban appeal.

I attacked the NiDE Personal-Skins website
After my unban appeal got rejected, honestly I was so pissed off and something inside myself wanted me to do something as "revenge".
Though, I never had the intention to hurt my childhood's community, but in either way I think I did.
After I did what I did (deleting all personal skins nide had), I came to Anwar (LSA on ZE) and told him about it, Anwar is loyal to nide which is what I really understand and respect, I told him not to tell anyone that I attacked the personal-skins website, but he could not remain silent about it and told others about it (again, which is what I encourage everyone here to do, do not let anyone hurt what you love and what you are loyal to)
My brain got damaged a lot in my life, I went through the toughest times anyone could ever in in the new world, literally, everything in me changed, my maturity, my brain, my acts, everything, And I am trying to solve everything that got damaged during these tough times.
War is not an excuse for everything I did, but it had a major part of why I did them.

Apologizing again...
I am trying my last chance to apologize and start a new page with everyone here, especially @ .Rushaway , @ ire , @ Hobbitten  , Boss and Cmer.
I am truly sorry for all bad things I caused, I know, it will be hard or nearly impossible for any of you to accept my apology, but I believe in humanity and I believe that everyone deserves another chance (even though I wasted all the chances I got)

Starting with Rushaway:
No one has any idea how much this dude works on the server, despite he is an adult and has a family to take care of, but he really put a lot of his time to make NiDE enjoyable and to make everyone have the best experience
I know I upset you so much before, I know I caused you a lot of problems, I am here again to make things right and I won't disappoint you, I really enjoyed spending every single time with you on the Discord DM, or anywhere else even though you are probably 11 years older than me, but age is just a number anyways, It was really nice that I had the chance to meet you man

Ire:
This finnish guy is an incredible person. like, he has a sense of humor and always wants to make sure that everyone on NiDE to have the best experience or fun they could get.
Alright, ire, I hope things are going well for you and your family, I know I caused you a lot of troubles and shits on the ZR server during my manager period, and I was like so selfish that I wanted to make changes on my own way without getting your approval, I really miss talking with you man, making of fun of english killers, somalian players and much more, I sent you some messages on our DM, but you never responsed, I guess you are still so mad at me, but I hope this topic changes your opinion, I respect everything that you did, really, I also might have said some bad words about you (e.g. shit manager and things like this) but man, as I said above, I was literally so pissed off because of how the server turned to be, I know I don't have any right to say what I said, and you owe me an apology or even more than an apology and I am ready for anything really.

Hobbitten:
This dude is a hardworking danish fag, those who don't respect him should be killed tbh, well hobb, I know I know I let you down many times before, I disappointed all of NiDE staff and especially you since you were so believing in me, I really miss the old times when you were fapping in voice chat (Hmm, ye) and mapping like a danish idiot, Thank you for all the good times we had with each other.

Boss & Cmer:
I didn't have the chance to interact a lot with you guys, but I know that you both are frenchies, which is the best thing, and you've put so much hard work on the community, you two will always be unforgettable, thank you for everything.

My words are not enough to get my apology accepted, or literally anything really, but I still have a bit of hope that I will get another chance.
If i got rejected again then tbh, I will consider quitting CS:S and probably switch to cs2, I have nowhere else to go, no community on CS:S interests me tbh (only NiDE does) since as I said it is my childhood community and I want to make things right for what I did.

Things I wanted to point out before ending this long ass thread....

• I am ready to receive any kind of punishment if I had a chance to get unbanned, I will prove myself again that I deserve another chance.
• Do not forget that I went through a lot of tough times, as I said it is not an excuse for what I did, but I got damaged a lot especially my brain.
• I have left the WAFG community to get a chance here.
• I still have interests with coding for ZE servers especially NiDE, I am working on plugins from time to time.
• Plesae do not instantly close this thread, let others share their opinion if anyone would give a fu*k anyways
• I am serious about everything I said in this topic and I am not stepping back
   

1: My ingame name: Dolly
2: My SteamID: STEAM_0:0:530464029
3: Name of the admin involved: No one
4: What server did it happen on: General
5: Map: General
6: Time and date: doesn't have a specific date
7: Explanation of the situation: explained above

Thank you for reading this long ass thread, (if you did)
Love from Dolly,
Regards,

Edited August 24 by Dolly
A typo

[Batata 617]

Hello, Mohammed! First of all, I hope you're doing well with all those conflicts that are happening in the place where you live right now! I hope you stay safe!

By seeing this post and coming from a person that i know well, i couldn't stay quiet and finish reading it without writing a comment. I hadn't connected to this website for a long time, so you even made me find out what my password and email was, because i had no clue ahahah.

But i had to comment because i know who you are, i think that i played with you since you were a kid almost and now you're an adult already, which is crazy! Also, I didn’t know of any of this. Thank you for your effort and transparency you’ve put in this post and so the bravery of judging yourself and your actions here.

I’m not totally inspired today for writing, but if there's one thing i know is that all the mistakes you did, you didn't do them with a real bad intention towards NiDE. It's those typical mistakes we make when we are young and still don't have enough maturity to understand some things or control our emotions of anger or when we trust the wrong people or when we don’t truly listen to other people but ourselves or we simply just do stupid shit just because. You're not a bad guy and please don’t feel that way, you were young and just followed your emotions in the moment, you had something new in your hands and wanted to try things. When I was also manager here, everything related to tech stuff was new to me and I had plenty of ideas in my mind and tried to implement them. Some were good, some were bad, some people liked them, some people didn’t. But I also felt like you that if now I am the manager of the project and I have ideas in my mind that can benefit the server, then it’s time to show some work and share what is in my head, so I understand your feeling, let’s say, of enthusiasm of having the power to do something and wanting to make things more enjoyable to others and, by really being convinced in your head that your ideas will be good, making a huge effort to apply them. But well, not always we will face acceptance, we will also face rejection through life and in those times we need to accept that we were not good enough and we can evolve or maybe in the future we will have another try.

I know that over time you gained maturity and this text of yours just shows precisely that, i.e, that you recognize your mistakes and by looking at the past you could have done better. And that’s the most important thing here, learning from your mistakes.

I imagine how your conscience was when you did these mistakes, because you had a really strong bond to NiDE  and you felt like you screwed everything up and broke the trust those people you mentioned had on you, and even today it was something that marked your life overall, judging by the effort you’ve put on this text and the emotions you put on it, so this is a big thing for you.

I reconnected to this account mainly to tell you to don’t let this shit consume your head. You’ve did bad things (some intentionally, some not), but past is past. Now you’re a grown-up man and I fully trust your words that you feel sorry about it and I can confirm that you’ve always tried to help the community and that’s the true Dolly’s spirit. I’m just a guy in many, but higher ups (specially those that were part of these stories) should definitely accept this apology and move on, because in my opinion Mohammed is a good guy and he’s no longer the kid that I knew and has a lot more maturity now.

If it helps easing the pain and the mess you’ve been passing through in your head, I trust your intentions Mohamed and I genuinely think you’re a good guy. Now that you let out all of those feelings, carry on man, leave those thoughts of the past behind and f*cking focus and study for your exams and make us proud! And don’t say your life is trash, you’re still young and got a lot to live buddy! You have to trust the process, one day it will be better!

I also hope that the wars stop soon in your country. Until then, stay safe my dude! o/

 

[LowParty 70]

Hello Mohammed, first of all, I hope you are well and safe despite everything you have shared about your current situation in real life. Don't doubt that even on your current situation on Nide, you still have friends in this community, like me, even though we don't talk much on Discord these days, unlike before.

As Batata said, you are a brave person and you shouldn't think that way about yourself. You have had the courage to talk about all your mistakes in public, where you can be judged by anyone, even by people who doesn't really know you, and you have sincerely apologized for those same mistakes. That is why I still believe in you, that you have changed for the better, that you have matured, and I still believe that, just like before, you have good intentions and have always sought the best for NiDE and his community.

Everyone has made mistakes, and I tell you that it's not worth overthinking about those mistakes, that you could have acted differently and done better, but you were just a teenager, literally 16 years old. At that same age, I also made mistakes in the LSA position and then later after leaving the position, but I also remember that you supported and helped me a lot with the technical side at that time, when you were about 14 years old and still knew more than I did. You could have taken advantage of my trust and my ignorance at that time for your own benefit, but you did not, because I know you wanted the best for the community and how much you wanted to be LSA or SM. Many people know that you were already contributing to the server before you got promoted to SM, but few know that you are still contributing today.

I think that when judging a person, you have to take into account their past actions, even if those had no bad intentions, but also their present actions, and what you have written today, I think does you great credit. I am writing this just to show you my support. However bad I may be at expressing myself, I feel that this time I had to do it. You deserve another chance. I hope to see you soon around discord and the server.

[Greber 27]

its take alot to admit your mistakes but you did pretty good job may god keep you safe Mohammed great topic

[192.168.1.1 I found your address 6]

well I would prefer holding w on boatescape instead of reading this all

[.Rushaway 393]

Hello @ Dolly

Thank you for sharing your story so openly and honestly. We appreciate the time and effort you have put into the NiDE community over the years, from your map creations to your plugin work and your dedication as part of the team. Your contributions have definitely left a mark, and it’s clear that NiDE has been an important part of your life.

We understand that things haven’t always gone smoothly, and that some decisions and actions may not have been handled in the most conventional or ideal ways. Still, we recognize the challenges you’ve faced, both within the community and in your personal life, and we respect your willingness to take responsibility and apologize sincerely.

Your passion for the community and your desire to make amends are noted. While trust needs to be rebuilt, we are open to giving you a last chance to prove yourself again. We encourage you to focus on your studies and personal growth, and when you’re ready, we hope to see you contributing positively once more.

Thank you again for your honesty and for reaching out. We wish you strength and success in your exams and beyond.

Punishment Appeals accepted.